A Return from Hiatus

So it would definitely be an understatement to say that it’s been a wee bit. Life has been pretty insane for me (and honestly, probably most people). We opted to send the little miss back to in-person school for first grade after a complete abysmal failure with online kindergarten and she wound up catching covid in the first week.

Thankfully the adults in the house are vaccinated, but I still wound up sick from her, and she was thankfully better in a few days.

I also had an assessment with a psychologist specializing in neurodiversity and learned that I do, actually, have ADHD. I have mentioned before that I have definitely been screened for it previously and told that I did not qualify for the diagnosis, so this was a little bit out of left field for me. Still have the ASD diagnosis and generalized anxiety disorder, so now I’m adapting to adding ADHD into the foray.

I am still on the fence on what I would like to do with this information.

I have had some time to let this information absorb and I can see it fitting, after all, one of the things that I struggle with most is a feeling that I have to “pick two” like those silly memes. Only instead of “smart”, “sexy”, and “crazy” in the super fun mildly sexist meme, it’s “Performing well at work”, “Being a good mom”, and “Keeping the house tidied” – forget even adding in the other things like “exercising regularly” and “having a social life”

Or, I’ll finally get a system going – taking breaks for small walks throughout the workday, working out regularly, doing a decent job at keeping the house in good shape, work is going well, maybe even remembering to talk to my friends every now and then. And then something changes (my hours at work swapped, the kid’s school schedule changed, need to head into the office, stressful time at work, etc) and I lose it all again and its back to struggling to keep up being a decent mom and keeping up the performance at work.

This has been kind of a recurring theme throughout my life. I definitely have many memories of wondering why I felt so busy and stressed and when I listed things out it’d just be like three things I was doing at the same time, but I couldn’t handle adding anything else on top of that.

I’m not sure if this is something that is uniquely common to just ADHD or ASD or both or what, but it’s interesting to have a little more insight into how I tick, so to speak.

In regular life news, I’m expecting a job title change soon which should result in generally less stressful workload, and I am definitely looking forward to that. I am also still researching Occupational Therapy for the little miss. While the pediatric neurologist who diagnosed her recommended ABA, I have resolutely decided that we will not be partaking in it – partially because the “workload” is insane for children, and partially because the autistic community at large has found the practices abusive and traumatic.

I expect to be able to actually finish writing the many drafts I have in process and get back to more regularly scheduled programs up in here.